Monday, February 15, 2010

I Hate You

I wrote this poem close to a decade ago and discovered it again last week while browsing my archives for Valentine's Day selections. I chose this - entitled "I Hate You" - and a couple of other pieces for last Friday's "Midnights with Jae El." If you missed hearing it live, you can read it here. Enjoy!

~~ Jae El ~~

“I Hate You”

I’ve been trying so hard to
Get you out of my mind,
And I’ve been wasting so much
Of my precious time.
I’ve been hurting so long
From hating you,
But I’m only hating you because
I fear I’m in love with you.
I hate the idea that
You and I can never be.
I hate that it’s your face
In my mind that I see.
I hate when I dream
Because my dreams are about you,
And I hate the knowledge that
My dreams will never come true.
I hate the existence that
We share by being apart.
I hate the misery that comes
With the aching in my heart.
I hate the sadness that fills me
Whenever you cross my mind,
And I hate the resistance I force
When I want to cross the line.
I hate the way you laugh
Because it makes me feel warm.
I hate the way you smile
Because it makes me lose my form.
I hate the way you talk
When I know it’s not to me.
I hate the way you roam
Because I hate that you are free.
I hate it when you’re at home
Because your home is not mine,
And I hate it when you’re near me
Because I’ll lose you in due time.
I hate you for so much right now
That I don’t know what to do,
But know my hatred is of love
And this love is meant for you.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

A Tale of Two Titties

LOL Oh my... I just found this while browsing through some old fiction on my computer. This story was written several years ago and is so poorly written that I cannot believe it was ever published. But it's so friggin' funny that none of that bothers me and I'm gonna share the original draft of it here with you. This is from the single-document of the story, which means it is unedited, so please forgive any indiscretions and enjoy :-)

~~ Jae El ~~

“A Tale of Two Titties”

By: J. L. Foster

Candy was the name of the left one. Sophie was the name of her twin sister. Together, they lived happily – for the most part – with never a fear of being separated. As close as twin sisters come, these two were even closer. Although they had spent their childhood years somewhat separated, they had grown more together with time, and now they were so close it was as if they were always touching one another.

Four years ago, it was decided that Candy would have a bit of enhancement surgery done. This somewhat upset Sophie. She felt quite left out, but only until she found she would be having to surgery, too. Several months later, they were each twice as proud and supple as they had ever been before.

Just as they had known, they attracted a lot more attention from the men. It seemed at least several times a month, they were bouncing and slapping against the chest of another studly chap.

“I think your crown is higher than mine,” Sophie referred to her sister’s nipple during one of these encounters. “It also seems a lot smoother than mine!”

“Could it be,” Candy snapped back, “that this is because you have been slapping your side of his chest harder than I? If you would only show some restraint!”

“Me?” Sophie cried in an outrage, slamming herself in protest forcefully against the man beneath them. “I’m supposed to show restraint when you were flaunting yourself all over town this afternoon?”

“Her shirt tore!” she defended, motioning to the body they lived on. “I didn’t know I was even hanging out until well after lunch!”

“You know you enjoyed all of the whistles and stares you received!”

Candy did not reply to this, but she did not deny it either. She had enjoyed every bit of the earlier attention and she was quite proud of it. In her opinion, her sister was simply jealous.

After their enhancements, bickering like this seemed to have become a more than occasional thing, ending each time without them speaking to each other for several hours. They would hide in their bra cups, separated from each other… festering. When evening would arrive, however, they would miss each other greatly and would snuggle close together for the rest of the night.

“I’m really sorry,” Candy would say first, although it had usually been Sophie that had started the argument.

“I’m sorry too,” she would whimper back, flopping over onto her sister’s side.

Two years after their enhancements, Sophie vowed she would never fight with her sister again. During one of their escapades with another here-today-gone-tomorrow man, they started their old war over who was fuller and who needed to restrain themselves. Then, as if they had begun a thrashing battle, they bounced and slapped forcefully against the stranger’s chest.

During this fight over strength and endurance, Candy’s silicon implant burst. She was rushed by ambulance to the hospital, and Sophie rode along right beside, as only a caring sister would.

“I’m so sorry,” Sophie cried first this time. “Your crown should be higher than mine! And smoother… too!”

Candy had smiled at this, but she had been much too afraid and in too terrible pain to reply. The ride in the ambulance seemed to have lasted an eternity and more, and even the rush into surgery happened in slow motion. Sophie did not move, though. She stayed beside Candy for every second of the ordeal, and even through the weeks of healing that were to follow.

Eventually, Candy did heal, and she harbored no hurtful feelings toward her sister. “Sibling rivalry is normal,” she had explained. “It just means we’re sisters!”

They both cried then, together, side by side, and they remained like this for quite some time, as Candy was afraid to wear a bra cup again and risk bursting yet another implant.

Still, as all sisters do, they continued to bicker well into their old age.

“Why do I have more wrinkles than you,” Sophie would complain, staring down at a knobby, stubbly knee.

“Probably for the same reason you sag more than me,” Candy would snap back eagerly. “Now, you’re a hag that sags!” Her laughter was always a roar, as the bickering had become a private game between them, and no matter what one said, the other would never feel hurt. They were twins, after all, and they would be spending the rest of their lives together. 

The End
Copyright J. L. Foster, 2005; Jae El Foster, 2010

Wednesday, February 03, 2010


April, 2008

I see you in front of me…
You’re waiting for me, I know.
I’m late again; it’s no surprise.
I’m glad you did not go.

Coming up behind you,
I lean closely to your ear.
Softly, I whisper I love you,
And you turn to me without fear.

The look I see in your eyes
Is one of thanks and relief.
And when you kiss me on my lips
I know you feel no grief.

We saw each other just this morning,
Though it seems like ages ago.
And now we’re back in each other’s arms
And the fires of our passion can show.

You melt into my grip.
I hold you close to my heart.
And with a second kiss,
I can feel my heart restart.

Even though the rain is falling,
Neither of us seems to care.
It’s great to stand here and hold you.
I cannot move… I wouldn’t dare.

Standing drenched, we kiss again
And I take you by the hand.
I lead you to our home – not far,
And I’m ever-thankful to be your man.

Tonight, we shall dine together,
As we have for all eternity.
And afterwards, I shall gift you
With the adventures of sensuality.

Black History Month

Black History Month
"Midnights with Jae El" kicks off the February month with the theme of the month - Black History. Jae El will count down the top history-making African Americans, speak of some of his favorite black influences in various medias, and read a selection from Maya Angelou's "Letters to My Daughter" - Jae El's favorite read of the last decade. Spotlighted will be the website, album, author, publisher, MySpace music find, and F'ed up Things of the week. Jae El will offer his tribute poetry to Martin Luther King Jr., and author Crystal Brewton will join in via telephone. Crystal will discuss topics such as the incorporation of interracial relationships into her fiction, she'll talk about her most popular character, the strong black woman named Cassandra Houston, and she'll discuss what it's like being the inspiration behind Jae El's best selling character, the African matchmaking beautician Ashaki. Jae El will also introduce a new weekly topic "How About That!" The focus will be on useful (or useless) information that will astound, surprise, thrill, or frighten you! It's certain to be a fantastic show, and as always - "Midnights with Jae El" is live and uncensored. Anything can happen!
This Friday night at Midnight, CST!

New Interview Online!

Please check out this brand new interview posted today - I'm interviewed by the fantastic Eric Arvin, a brilliant author and a great guy! And while you're there, be sure to check out the rest of his awesome blog and some of his work.